new life

ive stopped this blog and started a new one hoping it would all start again.....

this one built many memories....

sads mostly...

Interview with God

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gtqMxUFb_uQ

what would you ask him ?

would u ask him about the past, the present or the coming future?

If you could ask him for soemthing what would it be?

we are never able to forgive others till we forget ourselves...

If you could ask God to love someone who would it be, or to care extra for soemone else

If u could ask God to forgive who would it be? and why

I have so many things to ask God but everything I want to know isnt about my past but of my future, why he choose this certain path for me...

I trust he has a plan for everyone..

spring

Cold wind hit my face and I suddenly felt so cold,

times like this a hug near by wouldve helped... or just a feeling to fill my heart...

springs suppose to be just round the corner... but why does it still feel so cold...

I dont feel like this everyday, Ive had my fair share of good days, stressed days from uni and work... its been almost 10 months of no work, and finally found one that I am happy with ...

There are times I just gaze up into the sky and wonder why, why those things had to happen the way they do .... I fear more and cautious of all that surround me.. Trust came so easy before but now seems to fade away in the distant.

why did it happen , we will never know.. clock wont wind itself so I pray that i stop thinking back , It does no one anygood , looking back and feeling it again like as if it was yesterday...

Everything has a good moral and ending , everything makes you stronger....
bad and good....our path is what we make it, we choose to do what we did to be where we are, the friends we have the love we get and the work we do ...

tha old feeling

that old feeling just doesnt seem to go away ..

the stale feeling of betrayal.. the betrayal but the one u trusted the most...

in a short time has been destroyed...

trust cant be built anymore... i left my best friend betray our friendship for a relationship ... he then took it and gave it away to someone he knew for a few days,,, words he sais to her still peirce my heart,,, the i miss you and cant wait to go back... i got that msg after 9 yrs.. she got it after one dinner and a weekend...

someitmes life isnt fair but we go on.. we learn not to trust.. we learn to have thoughts. bad thoughts but we dun hate...

i let u go but i cant stop looking back at the pain u accuse me of causing when all i see is a darkness of your selfishness..

u picked me up , held my hand made me safe but once we reached the middle of this broken bridge u left go and ran ahead...

u escaped things u want to avoid, ur afraid of what is good..

but from u i learn to stop and think about those that surround me, are u really my friend or are u going to betray me too...

last words here

I waited you never returned,

instead you ignored and brushed my words aside,

but yet when a request was made you did it, I was out and replaced by her..

I listen to my mind to let you go , but my heart wont let me....

we always have to give time itself time....

i've lost you a while back, and if you cant forget the past, you'll never move on... so the next best thing is to forget..

I'm disappointed my best friend let me down this path only to take it away from me, you promised me many things, this is why I took this path and not the other..

I belived in what we have, our communication our ability to read one another and the silence we spend together, it is like none other,

we all need to grow up, especially in the way we think. some take longer then others, and maybe when u realize it, it will be too late...

you've broken my heart yet when u returned each time you patched it back up, over and over again I let you do that... till you yourself stop doing it to me. You dont see past the past and faults at the postive things one does for you.

you choose to close both eyes and hide urself behind $
that will only be for a while..

fly away like the butterfly, not knowing what path it should take...

I don't really want to say goodbye I don't really want to leave you But now I have to go away Stay away from you forever  What we had was something special Deep down from our hearts But now I have to go away And leave you from my heart

My life is in the dark
and i m all alone
i am starving for one spark
for he has gone

With the increasing darkness
hopes for the lights have grown
as the joy is awaited by my lonliness
i am waiting for my dawn

When i think,why am i alone
why everybody has gone.
why my night is so long
i find reason as “me”

I make one,i break one
i win one,i loose one.
its due to me that every body has gone
thats why,still i am waiting for my dawn

Today even my night is crying
i can see clearly everywhere
my dead thoughts and feelings lying
i am craving for the answers i am asking-

Why my life’s house is empty,
why there is no one in my heart’s lawn
why i am not enjoying my night
why? why am i waiting for my dawn

-------------------------------------------end-----------------------------------------------

just read...

Some people give up too easily. If, for example, they can't get an answer to a question, they ask a different question instead. One thing you learned long ago, though, is that if your question is not getting an answer, it is probably the question you most need to ask. If you keep on asking it, over and over again, sooner or later you will get your decisive reply. Never mind what has happened in the past. Forget previous frustration or confusion. Clarity will come if you patiently persist - and resist pressure. Jupiter, Neptune and Chiron are now forming a rare, powerful triple conjunction.

interesting....

n it goes from here...

well today i trekked up to joondalup, 40 km from home... lucky i had a full stomach just ate noodle soup , thinking i had a break at 130 anyway ...

i got to uni and looked for parking, i got lucky and found one, next step was to look for building 32.... i looked around and say 8 and 7 thinking damn i must be on the wrong side... trekked up the flight of stairs, usually i would have been puffing after 10 steps but i went all the way up without puffin,. gym really payed off hehe

anyway theni went up and saw 2 ... tat aint right so i turned and asked the closest person , "do u know where buildin 32 is? ""she looked at me and said "my first day too " i laughed and walked off to find my next victim.... some gal waiting outside her class , again i asked do u know where building 32 is. and shes like down there somewhere but have a look at the board map , so i did, back down another set of steps... down we go on the way i found cafes , thinking to myself good, least i know where the food is.. went down looked at the map and sign boared, 17 , 19 , 21, 30 , 31
where was 32... it wasnt on the board... sigh... i turned around and approached a group of gals and asked where building 32 they pointed right and i headed back that way , lucky i had gotten to uni earlier ,... well i walked in the direction they pointed for me and i realized wait a min, this is towards where i parked my car.... i looked the the right, the building next to the first set of steps i climbed up, there in a big number 32... how could i have misssed that ?
ai ai ai

well anyway i iwent in, lecture hall was packed... got my outline and sat there, then realzed oh no , i dun have a long break, its full 1230-630
no good for me....

well this pretty much went on for the whole day , me going in circles looking for classes,
surprisling i didnt get so hungry although i did get a chocolate from the vendy machine... tat stooped me from getting hungry...

day went fast...

finished and drove back to perth, yes it did feel tat far... but fwy was a breeze..

well lets hope i keep it up , want to finish it asap ...

lost to life

This is the second day that I've felt like this,

So alone in this miserable situation... I handled it on my own the day before but today o just couldn't go on anymore....

I've had enough of her craziness n violence. I wanted to pack n leave call someone n pour my heart,

But I couldn't I didn't have that simple person I could lean on n cry too...

Wheb I needed him most he isn't here, instead I sit below my bed next to my unwanted bears,

I want to sleep n never wake up, I want to sleep my life away...its a ball of nothingness...

I didn't care the fact I have no bf but the fact my best friend betrayed me ... But that did not hurt as much as not being there for

Me this time round...

I stand alone here... In the corber of sadness.... Tears run down my face finding it hard to breathe...

Dear God

I've had enough of violence...

Help those around me to be understanding , make my mum stop..

And my past to go away..

my dreams-song

spinning.......
twirling....
flying away.....
memories guide me...
from yesterday ....
time will reveal
my destiny.....
so why should i fight.,..
what's right for me

ill live
ill breathe
ill dance my dream
hold me
kiss me
look through my eyes
know me
feel me
no more disguise
so why should i fight
what's planned for me

take my hand
dance in my world
as i live
i breathe
i dance my dream

tomorrow will be mine
today is ours
i will never let go
until time unwinds
today i have just arrived

it starts here now,

It's only the beginning now
...a pathway yet unknown
At times the sound of other steps
...sometimes we walk alone

The best beginnings of our lives
May sometimes end in sorrow
But even on our darkest days
The sun will shine tomorrow.

So we must do our very best
Whatever life may bring
And look beyond the winter chill
To smell the breath of spring.

Into each life will always come
A time to start anew
A new beginning for each heart
As fresh as morning dew.

Although the cares of life are great
And hands are bowed so low
The storms of life will leave behind
The wonder of a rainbow.

The years will never take away
Our chance to start anew
It's only the beginning now
So dreams can still come true.

I want to escape

can i trust what i cant see,
to reach my destiny.
travel to where i can dream again,
take me to the land ive never been.
nothing would touch me,
nothing would stop me.
i would be free,
where nothing would be cloudy.
i could just escape,
go to a better landscape.
that would be the dream,
it would be extreme.
i want to leave,
to a place where i could belive.

wonderful world (sam cooke)

cats and dogs always fight and argue yet at the end of the day these two snuggle up and let it all go away ...
put me to sleep tonight this song,

a song of hope...

Don't know much about history
Don't know much biology
Don't know much about a science book
Don't know much about the french I took

But I do know that I love you
And I know that if you love me too
What a wonderful world this would be

Don't know much about geography
Don't know much trigonometry
Don't know much about algebra
Don't know what a slide rule is for

But I do know that one and one is two
And if this one could be with you
What a wonderful world this would be

Now I don't claim to be an "A" student
But I'm trying to be
So maybe by being an "A" student baby
I can win your love for me

Don't know much about history
Don't know much biology
Don't know much about a science book
Don't know much about the french I took

But I do know that I love you
And I know that if you love me too
What a wonderful world this would be

La ta ta ta ta ta ta
(History)
Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
(Biology)
La ta ta ta ta ta ta
(Science book)
Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
(French I took)

But I do know that I love you
And I know that if you love me too
What a wonderful world this would be

move forward

dont look back, move forward

take the chances to be happy, dont wonder too much more... if it was ment to be it would have been

ive been let down so many times and all by the one person and yet i keep picking myself up for him

does he realize the pain that i go thru, and the mending i do on my own for him

i dun trust him, but with time it will grow, time can be used in many ways, to forget someone or to forgive someone..

its a choice of how we want it to happen ,



take care and good bye my memories...

with hope in place, something may change, it could be u or it could be me

wonderful world (sam cooke) i love this song.....

got it

ok , so u come online then u disappear right off,

ermmmm i think i got the full picture already... hrmm guess things are pretty good on ur end..

ill just sit back and let the rest of my life come forward then ...

ah tat sweet smell of clean air ... just rises from the ground...

ya im hurt , wat to do ... ignored and ignored again .. its like i repeatly hit m y head on the wall ,.. i knwo the walls there but i keep doing it..

think though this wall has a slight hole in it now.. and it just needs to be bigger ... if not i should just stop banging and fill it up .. and let it ...

good quote for today

Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets. So love the people who treat you right, forget about the ones who don't and believe that everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said that it'd be easy, they just promised it would be worth it.

2nd

seemed harder to get out of bed today , i woke up to bad thought again i wish it would stop haunting me

i wish those thoughts can just go away...

having to realize that my love has a thought and company of someone else, my exsistance becomes less and less, even though it took yrs to build up

the thought of someone else is overpowering my mind , i didnt know it would be so hard, your last words were i will be friend her and nothing else, I dont know if that is true or just to make me smile

u once declared ur love me, i am too late to claim it back..

days i dont hear from you gets harder, new thoughts enter my head...

what do I do next? wait like a fool or hate like no other

happier times

wondering the streets of coldness only brought back happiness , brought back that joy tat was still left in me

thinking of happier times only made me stronger , the times of laughter, the times of peace and the times spent together ..

all those thoughts pushed the bad ones all away , i cannot help but to hang on and wait , i cant help for feeling this way

sometimes just seomtimes i wish my sadness could be carried away during the nite and wake up with no memory

but its the happiness that clings onto my mind, it doesnt want to be let go , it doesnt want to disappear for now

knowing somebody from head to toe is hard to achieve knowing what they want is even harder,

always expect the unexpected..

thinking of you makes me smile and makes that hour past jut a little faster

not hearing from you makes me wonder where you are, if u are there or drifting away

saw a full rainbow just the other day, it was a sign of hope

thru time we will tell...

first day

so its 10 am , waking up and checking my phone was a habit i couldnt break .... i didnt want to reach over and have a look if i got an sms..

u were on the plan for the last 8 hrs.... told me , even asked me if u could sms me when u were in sg, that was 4 hrs ago when i shouldve gotten an sms and when u reached indo that would be na hr ago ..

i didnt receive either... i told u if would be hard to hear from one another.. maybe u took it and thought it was best not to msg ...

u are able to give me that hope of receiveing and yet u could take it away in an instant ...

thoughts keep floating in my head of the last conversation we had, why did u msg me to tell me those things,

why at the last min did u tell me u were hiding your feelings, and then leave it at that.

u didnt do anything about it, u just made matters more complicated for us to handle,

ur back at 4000 miles away, in a place i have no control of what you do, i cant just hop into the car and come knocking at 845am bringing breakfast at ur door , i cant look forward to those after noon naps or random dinners and snack in front of the tv..
i cant secretly hold ur hand in the movies and waiting for that secret kiss

so u just msged 1036, u arrive an hr before... anyway from here it starts, the waiting the thinking.. not sure where it will go...

maybe u regret saying all that u told me , maybe u dun ...

this morning

I woke up this morning 8 n was feeling so sad of my dream the night before

O dreamnt I read notes u wrote to a certain gal about how scared you were to be in a new relationship but but

Wanted to try it anyway with her

This person was not me... In my dream you took that plunghe I've been asking for...

I didn't want to think more of it n closed my eyes the next thing I knew I had the feeling pf excitement that I get to see you..

The feeling of seeing u was overwhelming but then the thought of it been the last crushed me

For now I wait n hope for a retuen

prayer

Dear God

I seem to always have you to lean my weary body n tired eyes

Wherever I may be or what ever time of day it is, I close my eyes n u are there to listen to my troubles

I strongly believe in this peace you have given to me in my heart

Because of this peace I'm holding onto faith

Please lead me thru this darkness n bring me the light..

My hope and faith is up to you God lead me the way you want me to go

If you allow room for regrets and a second change of life

There will be plenty of room for change n mending new things

In Jesus name I pray

Amen

it starts from here

Last night I had a peacful night, listening to the wind as it tried to creep in thru the craxk of my window

I hear blowing, its like trying to help me blow my problems away

Talking on the phone brought back dear memories that for a while I kept hidden, bringing them back made a smile

It also brought sadness not knowing what was going to happen next

Not having the control of being able to change things wil be the hardest but the best part is, "what if"

My path changed , a new start to what I want to achieve leaving those emotions that I had not away but aside till one day someone brings

Them back to me or I loose it bit by bit

Having regret is the biggest apology I can take


For now this is how it will be,

Missing what is gone its the hardest...realizing ur not needed anymore is hrder

If it takes time for someone to realize u r of importance to them let that time takes its place

True love is not a lie, it is kind caring loving patient understanding

I know where stand, in this winter alone again..

Spring time please come n take over my winter misery

continue to build

Building a relationshup is like a hs, time was spent on the first hs but was knocked down

It was not a good one, the draft has been made..

The foundation is now stronger with old parts at the bottomw

To hold the new hs up.. With stronger bogger bricks

One by one using twice the enegery twice the patience and twice the care

This hs will be twice as bright n strong then the old...

It is only possible in the mind of the builder...

A foundatipon is now set...

Time to build a new hs... No more holes
No more patching... It will look as good on the outside as it feels

On the inside...

Warm and full of joy, building is the best part, enjoying at the end is the best..

Xien ku ho tien...

Bitter first then sweet

Building is hrd but the joy of the end result was worth every tear sweat sadness laughyter n joy

no other

There is no other that will bring this feelong u gave to me..

Others r different, they all are different,

No other will turn my frown up so fast as u

No one gives me passion n the feeling of a new start everytime

No other will leave so much feeling for me to handle but none for themself

I believe in this so strongly that I have not let go

Ur giving me time, with time I wil know if I can let go or continue my patient

True love is hrd to obtain took 9 yrs...

Letting it go in a few days week or months would be a waste

time

The energy used to push one awat couldve been used to keep them

Finding ways out took mind effort but to want to keep it would have been the same

True love finds it way thru a crowd, took 8 yrs in this circustance

Once received it was taken away

The times away we spent argueing n fustrated but when we had the ability to see one another

U used that time to run away..

U didn't take time to stop n think abput what it could become

Putting aside ur ego n bad thoughts

U tell ur mind something but want another

Sometimes its the greatest pain that we need to overcome to see the brighter side

Think of positive things n hope along with faith

Pray for a miracle , over time I learnt to pray rely on oneself

If u want somethibg to happen we must put all we have into it, miracles do happen but in order for it to happen

We need to just put that little bit if effort into it.

True love is hard to come by,

Once found its not easily let go,

All it is is understanding patient and feelings

And willingness

I believbe in miracles hope you do too

10 steps to a better relationship

1)Take responsibility for your own actions. There is nothing more guaranteed to prolong conflict than creating half-baked excuses for bad behaviour, or blaming your other half for your actions. Whatever’s happened, remember to be honest and open when tackling the issue.

2)Apologise at the first possible opportunity. Saying sorry has an amazing ability to ease away tension but make sure it’s sincere or else you’ll simply be shooting yourself in the foot.

3)Listen. Instead of trying to justify your behaviour, make the effort to listen in respectful silence. Hear your partner out without butting in with excuses or making counter accusations. Yes, you might be worried about what you’ll hear, but if you don’t add fuel to the fire with ill-chosen words, your partner’s sense of grievance will subside much more quickly.

4)Talk about your feelings, not their behaviour. If you stick with “I” statements, rather you than “you” statements, your partner won’t feel criticised and will be far more likely to empathise with you (it’s known as creating a “safe dialogue”).

5)Take time out. Damaging words and behaviours surface in the heat of the moment. Learn to walk away from an argument and simply breathe for five to ten minutes if you feel you are getting angry. Better still, choose a word or phrase that you and your partner can use as a signal for “time out” and make sure you honour it.

6)Relationships need nurturing. You have to lavish time and care on them and each other if you want it to thrive, so schedule quality time together each week and make it your priority.

7)Make time to tell your partner how special he or she is. Be as specific as you can about what makes them special and why they mean so much to you. Not only will you both become more aware of your partner’s specialness, but in time he/she will probably say the same kind of things back to you.

8)Tell your partner how much you love them and do it on a daily basis. Never assume that he/she doesn’t need to be told or doesn’t like to hear all the things that you love about him/her.

9)Hug your partner daily. Virginia Satir said: “We need four hugs a day for survival. We need eight hugs a day for maintenance. We need 12 hugs a day for growth.” Why not go for growth?(when in long distance, picture it and text it, it is so much better then none at all )

10)Share laughter and joy daily. Make a conscious decision to share your successes and rejoice in theirs. What you focus on increases, so focus on what is great about the relationship and great about your life together and it will keep on getting better.

its gone...

Your feeling was blown away like a strong wind against the fallen leaves..

You lost it as - became closer to you, your afraid of true care and true love

You hurt those that care for you most withouth knowing it..

You were suppose to keep them by your side not push them off

You call me stubborn but no more theb you

Why promise me things you cannot keep and lie your way to get me

Long distance was the hardest part of what we had, you couldn't hang on cos your heart is else way now, it is no longer mine

I lost you once but I managed to find it back..

Once I got it back you took it again

You gave up on something that was amazing

Yoy let what we could have beocnme

Your lack of trust in yoursf

And in those around..

Kearning to be patient was hard but ecveryday I tried my best

Everyday I'm learnbing to b a better person hoping everytime we szaw one another

We would feel more, but as time comes closer to seeing you , u run away u destroy me u ignore me

U have no care for me anymore

again

another day, the sun is setting ...catch a glimpse of the red sunshine thru the window

sitting her all alone, my heart shouldnt feel as though im alone it should be filled though u are so far awy,

.
ur theory and mine dont even fit... ur is that if we talk all day at nite we have nothing to say , ur wrong it cos we talk during the day we will have more at nites, we wont be tired of thinking of what we should say ,

if u seriously have too wonder what conversation to have, u have a problem ...
not once have i wondered what we should talk about...

i feel uneasy bin silences knowing u are thinking oh no what do i say next,

its so forceful from your end...


claim certain things but i feel anther...

fustration ....

only,

you will never succed in dreams if u never look past the past and look towards the future.

looking back and regretting decisions will only effect the outcome of what is to come,

look forward and see how and what we can do to change, look forward and u will see more clearly,

isnt it better to see a clearer sky then the dark clouds up above,

God helps those who help themselves,

certain things cannot be told only for you to figure out what you want, and only you have the power to change how it turns out.

sometimes

sometimes just sometimes... we dont want to see reality we want to reach our goals...
in order to do so we need to sacrifice,

words are to be gently spoken, sometimes we don't need to be so straightforward, think before we speak...

"i'm trying to say as the time passes by, i'm gonna see you less and less and most probably the feelings will go away... its just reality..

that is painful , painful reality ... especially when u dont see it happening and it hits you like nothing before..

words said used to be fight back with angry from within me, now i sit n listen to what u have to say...i listen to what you want and one, we will both get what we want, either happiness or sadness for one or both parties

with God lays our future...

mending

a heart can be broken so many times , but each time it can be mended but with each mend it leaves a little scar,

with time these scars may slowly disappear .... with love it layers on top of these scars and slowly it fades away ...

long distance

Love has no barriers and no distances. The distance may be far but from within the heart the relationship of love is a very close one. It is only the long distance that keeps the lovers apart.

Miles and miles and miles apart.
Although so far you've touched my heart.
Your laugh, your voice, your adoring smile,
Seem to shorten every mile.

by Panda When it hurts so bad,
why does it feel so good?
I wish this all made sense,
I wish I understood.
Not having you here with me is tearing me up inside,
but I can't stop thinking about you no matter how hard I try.

You know how I feel about you,
and I know I want to spend the rest of my life with you,
but it's so hard to do when I can't even be next to you.
Why does it gotta be so complicated?

Loving you feels so right,
but at the same time,
knowing I can't have you keeps me awake at night.
I just want this to be simple,
I just want you here with me,
to look into your eyes,
be held in your arms...then I'd truly be happy.

Right now this distance between us is out of our control,
but I'm still hoping one day soon,
I'll get what I'm wishing for.

It was just another dream

it seems whenever i write in here, im down ..

again ive been let go, in ways this time i cannot explain the feelings that run thru my body

that cold uneasy feel , heart beating fast and fingers shaky as I type

how can someone make one feel like this

to aim for a goal is to work hard, patient and care

just like cooking the more love and care u have for it the better it tastes, and the first round is

never as best

giving up is the easiest way out... but not the best way out

hard work pays off,

nothing great is easy to achieve.

thoughts

to be happy with a man, u must understand him alot and love him a little.

to be happy with a woman, you must love her alot and not try to understand her at all..

learned...

'I've learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow.'

'
I've learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you'll miss them when they're gone from your life.'

'I've learned that making a 'living' is not the same thing as 'making a life.'

'I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance.'

'I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw some things back.'

'I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision.'

'I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one.'

'I've learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back.'

'I've learned that I still have a lot to learn.'

'I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.'

why

how are loved ones able to say nasty thigns tat are so hurtful,
be told that we can be irratating to them,

why is it so scary to hear good things from the other, but not as scary to hear the bad things

why is the feeling so overpowering that we become sleepless

sometimes i want to hide from the world and crawl away , do you think people would miss me then or realize I did exist but its too late now..

lifes a mystery... we dont know how long we will be around for or how long we are able to love....

hold close to what you want and need

ANOTHER DAY

deeper love facts

What is love? David Icke said: "Infinite Love is the Only Truth Everything Else is Illusion." However, scientists tried to explain love using our genes as the base of the medical study. Basically, they found that we are attracted to persons that are genetically immune to the diseases and weaknesses that we are weak to. However, Alchemy teaches us completely different approach. Alchemy or old sacred studies believe that our body (Personal Self) is build around four energies (or four egos) that make up our Personal Self (our body). Those four energies are: Physical Energy with its Needs, Sensational with its Desires, Emotional with its Feelings and Intellectual Energy with its Ideas. To reach Higher Self (our soul) these energies must be balanced. Since this is very hard to do in our distorted world, we usually seek for someone (soul mate) that will help us achieve Higher Existence (same like our genes our soul mate’s energies could fill half empty energies and empty our half spilling energies). Alchemy believes that we are not born with the soul, only with the seed of spirituality, and that our purpose in this dimension is to find our souls or to find our Higher Self. You wanted to make gold from the ordinary metal? Well finding love is the only solution or maybe you should meditate till you find your true balancing power.

sometimes

sometimes when u cry
no one sees your fears

sometimes when ur worried
no one sees ur pain

someotimes when ur happy
no one sees ur smile...

rules of happiness

Five Simple Rules to be Happy

Free your heart from hatred.

Free your mind from worries.

Live simply.

Give more.

Expect less.

**********

No one can go back and make a brand new start. Anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending. God didn't promise days without pain, laughter without sorrow, sun without rain, but He did promise strength for the day, comfort for the tears, and light for the way.

Disappointments are like road humps, they slow you down a bit but you enjoy the smooth road afterwards.

Don't stay on the humps too long. Move on!

When you feel down because you didn't get what you want, just sit tight and be happy, because God has thought of something better to give you.

When something happens to you, good or bad, consider what it means.

There's a purpose to life's events, to teach you how to laugh more or not to cry too hard.

You can't make someone love you, all you can do is be someone who can be loved, the rest is up to the person to realize your worth.

It's better to lose your pride to the one you love, than to lose the one you love because of pride.

We spend too much time looking for the right person to love or finding fault with those we already love, when instead we should be perfecting the love we give.

Never abandon an old friend. You will never find one who can take his place. Friendship is like wine, it gets better as it grows older.

last chance

stand still

Ever have moments when u think everything around u is just perfect? and suddenly it doesnt it crashes down on u like a tone of bricks,
im always so good with words and im so completly lost for it at this moment,
wheres things going, why do i want it so much , why am i being pushed away so hard...
why do i always end up feeling like this why do i have to share my inner thoughts when all i get is not comfort...
afriad of sharing, afraid of telling..
holes can be mended , its like cooking the more time effort and care and love u put it the better it tastes, the faster the hole will fill up ,
its harder not knowing wat the other side thinks , or when u ignore of what the other side really thinks..
thats hope, waiting for something good ...waiting for a smile,

its like im in a hole, a hole of only my own hope faith, is it enuf to carry the weight...

one hot night

Been awhile since ive been back here...and form the count down of 6 weeks its now 5 days till i get to see my Chocci bear again :) sappi huh hehe but thats the wah I am..

so we had a really be fight yesterday ... this whole talking at nights is hard cos thats when we are both most tired...we dun get to see each other during the day .. and it really sux..

ah my definiation to the dream i had... about him, something blue. old school and suicide.. ya i know its strange huh ... not sure wh y though
it is somehow very accurate
"To dream that your boyfriend tells you that he is gay or that he doesn't love your anymore, represents your own insecurities with the relationship. It may also mean that the relationship is moving to a new level to which you are expressing some anxiety and fears about the changing situation. You may feel left out it in his life or that you are unable to share in all his experiences. It boils down to trust and communication.
To dream that you commit suicide, denotes that conditions in your life is so frustrating that you are no longer willing to cope with a situation or relationship in the same way as you did in the past. Alternatively, you may be unable to overcome feelings of guilt and thus turning the aggression on yourself. On a more positive note, it may suggest that you are saying good-bye to one aspect of yourself or character that your have been carrying around.


tonight is so hot... u know sometimes i wish i was going back to sg or indo for good.. just leave perth and on visit for holildays]

why ?

Some days I wake up and I'm high as the sky but other days I'm down to the fly floor....
The thought of not being able to see you in the mornings is frustrating... or when I'm in need of a hug i go over... I'm running so low on love and care.. I need a re-fill.... waiting for the last 7 weeks was super hard....5 weeks have gone by and its these last 2 weeks thats made it extremely hard...I know its not long away but 12 days is a long time.... but You promise You will make up for it in the next 3 weeks ok...

our story of this LD is hard... it starts we do great then we are apart... and it repeats it self over and over.... But I know as long as we hang on together we will do great....

What happens when we are together? are we gonna fall apart ? we gonna get along?
thinking a little too far right? but theres always a little bit of confusison cos we dont get to be with one another everyday so we are actually missing out on each others daily routine... thought we talk day and night its not enough..

need the constant physical and emotional status..

we live so far away...
its like internet dating but with love.. :)
in some sense that 8 yrs has a factor..its played a role... secretly its helped us get to where we are.
with trust and faith in God we will have the strength to do this....

brand new start

God sometimes brings us to a place
where answers can't be found...
where we cannot see tomorrow,
for confusion all around.

Yet deep inside we realize
that all things work for good...
even times when we've been wounded
and we feel misunderstood.

Don't dwell on the injustice
and stay focused on God's heart...
find forgiveness and go on,
you can make a brand new start.

what I'm missing out on ...

your snuggles, your hugs and your kisses....

all i miss so very much ...

4ooo miles away and If i close my eyes I can still bring back those feelings

Lost

another arguement arise, this time about how children should be educated. we just have different views. i guess i was a little agitated the fact, everybnight i have to wait endlessly for him to come online before i can chat to him, not one time is he on early.. and that gets to me... nor is there an explanation right after..

anyway im just unsure of what is happenin. LD is impossible to know the outcome of. we both never want the same thing at the same time.. Im just doing soemthing hes waited for so long and prolonged...

feel the pain as if someone stabbed u ? that sharp emptiness?
I gave the last choice to him and he made it with a "might as well...."


time to heal and end this... and as a result we have.,.
he feels no remorse what so ever , u cant believe that one min they want to end it with you and the next min end UP with u.. thats just two different things..

its all so confuessing and unsure.. i cant have mixed feelings and have someone else with mixed feeljings.. i needed someone to be strong in this,

im not even looking into the past anymore.. its now and this is it. he feels this now and theres nothing I can do.

18/3 another wednesday

so today seemed to have just zoomed right past... im thinking back wat did i do today.. i went to church, wednesday morning prayer meeting with parents..
another 3 wednesday to go before i leave means 4 weeks.. seems a neveer ending month..
but this yr seems to have flown... real fast its easter again... chocolate eggs.... im eating a few small rolo chocolates at the moments... ahhh at the moment ive been craving lotsa chocolate .. apparently it has some contant that makes u happy :)
stay off drugs eat chocolate:) but then u get fat and fat makes u sad... we just go round in circles dun we...

well my package still not here.. maybe it got lost :( two package actually... arhhh...
i wonder where a friend of mine has gone... since she started dating this guy she forget us friends.. well i feel me anyway.. when shes down and she calls im a drive away... when shes down i try to cheer her up, when she has a problem im there to listen and when shes fustrated im there to talk it out.. now she has a gucci bf she disappears.. i hear the occasion wat are u doing but no lets go soemwhere ...
ah i dunno .. maybe its easier for me cos my love is 4000 miles away and when ido see him i dun wanna leave his side and when hes not here i busy myself...
but since they are always together couldnt they spare some time for friends? i mean when u go coffee sometimes u want just gals... right? hes always there and always the first to go "wanna make a move"arhhh
yes yes honeymoon period... we see shall we...
think its time for another chocolate... yes yes it is...
If i had a chocolate egg this size... ( dark chocolate lindt or white filled with the white chocolate cream, lindt also,) i would be so happy.. wow i would even share...

dream 16/3

so I had weird dreams last night.. and the meanings for each,

I dreamnt i traded my LV for a new one.... u know my old big one for a new one at no extra cost but the catch was i wanted my old one still and didnt want to let that go....
i woke up and had my second dream..
i dreamnt my mum wanted to put a rug behind our mango tree...
hehe doenst make sense does it...

Buying
To dream that you or someone is buying something, represents your acceptance of an idea, condition, or situation. Consider what item you are buying for additional analysis.

Bag

To see a bag in your dream, represents the responsibilities that you carry. If the bag is ripped or torn, then it indicates that you are carrying a lot of burden. The symbol may be a metaphor for an "old bag" and refer to someone who is old.

To dream of a bag full of junk, symbolizes that you are burdened with worries and problems; you have to find a way on unloading some of this load.

Mother
To see your mother in your dream, represents the nurturing aspect of your own character. Mothers offer shelter, comfort, life, guidance and protection. Some people may have problems freeing themselves from their mothers and are thus seeking their own individuality and development.

Rug
To see a rug in your dream, suggests that you are trying to shield yourself from some harsh reality.Consider the design and condition of the rug. If it is old and worn, then it suggests that you feel that you are being taken advantage of or stepped on by others.

Mango
To see or eat a mango in your dream, symbolizes fertility, sexual desires, and lust. Alternatively, the mango may also be a pun to mean "man go" in reference to a relationship in which you should let go and move on.

Trees
To see lush green trees in your dream, symbolize new hopes, growth, desires, knowledge, and life. It also implies strength, protection and stability. You are concentrating on your own self-development and individuation.

so its weird.... the whole translation...haha but then i dreamnt of a mango TRee...its so so strange i never remember my dreams.. what to do ...thought the dictionary isnt complete hehe..

after hrs..

well i just got back from badminton..what a work out
and i got talking to the gal thats getting married.. was quiet sudden anyway
i went and ask to have a look at her ring and my surprise.. it was two hearts... white gold.. no diamond.. jsut by looking at this ring i realized that diamonds arent everything.. a ring is something that symbolizes the connection between two people that are in love.. and it doesnt have to be a diamond.. just being able to settle down and tie a knot is priceless no diamond could ever accomplish that...
she was so happy talking about her wedding.. though he is so far away and has to wait 5-10 months for him and prepare everything for them ...
happiness cant be bought... its a feeling that has to be built up and conquer over time.. learning ur partners good and bad behaviours and habits.. learning about one another..
how to make them happy how to cheer them up and how to be there for them...
with time all this will come easily.. some times we wont like what we see but remember no ones perfect :) except God

future

so bulldogs because they r apparently very cute CUTE and have a grouchy face...
and schnauzer cos they are gorgeous!
and we all know it!pixie cos she is our baby and the maid:)

sunday 15/3

so todays sunday... back from church and up from my nap
its like Hot out there 37 plus i think... wonder hows pixie doing/..shes asleep so i presume fine.
not a lot happened today
well nothing happened today... just another day and i am actually craving for chocolate bubble tea with chocolate sago mmmm a whole lot of chocolate... well chocolate supposedly releases chemicals to ur brains that make u happy
we all need to happy once in awhile right...
lately my tooth ache has been bothering me , couldnt sleep last time the pain suddenly came and i couldnt sleep so i started praying and before i knew it i was sleeping again...
i hate toothache.. its been bothering me a while now think i better go tmw..
but i hate dentists they scare me and they take all ur money!!
ahhh one month till i go jkt and i need another job.. this piano thing is taking its slow ass time

today im in a better mood but still u know things linger...
when ur bored u tend to ponder alot huh ... cos i know i do ..

girl at church is getting married and nobody even noticed she had a bf.. she just went away for a month and came back engaged.. her whole relationship has been long distance cos we never see her go away ever... at most once a yr and i know for a fact he aint here. i dun think hes actually ever been to perth..
well i think i better get going... wanna get bbt and go play badminton... i know all Kenis idea, her and her sunday badminton

complication

why is it when life is steady and well things suddenly go wrong?
from nothing it becomes something

life is never as simple as it seems.
especially emotions.
emotions are complicated they rise and fall and very unpredictable.

I pray that things will at least settle and set our minds straight with whatever we want to do. it is a matter of not just want and need . it is more important that those want and needs fit for each of us.

we need to know what is right we need to choose the correct paths and once we head down this road we take as little u turns as possible.

why

the sun is up nice and bright
oh it was just such a sight
days go by with thoughts of you
hopping that I will see u soon
every passing day i think is great
but all is really up to fate

sitting here wondering why you would lie
behind those hidden eyes
on happy days you told me you loved me
but somehow i did not see
behind those words were hidden meanings
that i could just not seek

I pushed away all fear
so that you could be my dear
whatever I did was a thing of the past
should not affect any of us

I believed in us
but all you were , was sus
I cannot go on without the trust
so make up your mind real fast

13/3

so its friday today .. if i was working TGIF but im not.. im at hm studying...
my right ear is listening to pixie whinging and my left nothingness..
i have a headache from doing nothing all day ... studying is considered nothing..
my parents have been out all day . in a way its good.. no nagging.. Silence.. i love it..use to always think i needed to escape from the house cos i couldnt stand the nagging.. oh that reminds me damn i gotta mop!
. i havent heard from chocci all day .. annoyged but nothing i can do ..
aiyo..
i feel like going out and take photos.. u know they always says a picture says a 1000 words.. its ecpressive thats what i like.. maybe it should be a new hobby for me.. one expensive hobby..

weather is weird today its sunny yet windy, i can hear my door banging away i've gotten so use to it i let it go..
ah im gonna go mop so i dun getting naggin!

thursday - car thought 12/03

Can you belive its already march..., new yrs just seemed like a few weeks ago, was in bali hopping everywhere having a time of my life..
went to the movies today ,watched confession of a shopoholic chiq flick ... well anyways i dropped veron home and as i was driving home i started thinking 101 things in my head, maybe cos i was driving at 50km behind a bus and it made thejourney seem so endless. I was thinkin im 24 with a great family... i know it seems a bit odd but it hasnt crossed my mind in a while the whole, im the only one of my kind. I know its a little confuessing but how do i put it.. so when i was 21 i found out i was adopted.. it was like BANG! a quick dream becoming reality... i never relaly put so much thought into it.. but as i was driving home i realized i have the best possible family i could ever ask for.. my parents are my parents and nobody could ever replace them no matter how annoyging they can be at times and how strict they are with the whole curfew i love them dearly...
i have to admit though i am curious about where i;m from .. i really have no idea... my history is a blur to them and to me. Ive tried asking but they say they dont remmeber or know anything, is it cos they want to protect me from the truth ?
maybe its cos of my age i know 24 is young but lately i've seen babies and they seem extra cute ... maybe cos i want something that is truely mine.. someone to care for that cannot be taken away from me.. my own... my own blood, own creation..

How could anyone give up their baby for money? yes I have heard before "maybe they have a reason" well being in a gambling debt doesnt give you the right to sell your child for ANY amount so that you can keep ur dirty habbits. its so wrong! babies arent a piece of clothing or product that u make and sell.. yes i have a hatred in me that i cant explain nor have i tried to.
its impossible to see what I am going to do.. I can either find my history or not....

ripple

I took this video with my camera , i love how it ripples out.. its like the effects of someone in our life... starts small gets deeper and finally explodes out... a little like love , the way it can effect us so greatly.
a gentle continuous soothing feeling... rolls on and on.......
just like our love will continue...

LD

wondering what LD is huhl.. long distance... something that keeps two pple away form one another..
the distance and with distance it creates some kind of invisible barrier.. its like problem created out of nothing
maybe its because everything is going so well we wonder why it is good and then pick on that , and from that the problems arise..somethings its best never to over think things.. i think i haev the opposite problem though.. maybe i dun think enough and just think of my options and the best result.. to me its the best way .. i get to a point when i miss him so much I don't know what to think next..because at that point in time there really isn't anything that i can do about it. I cant just wash it away that feeling. emotions are funny huh leaves little traces of it in our tummy..
I know missin someone is usually temporary but in my case it ranges from 3-5 yrs on and off.. when we are together i dun need to miss but when i dont i miss...
but they say good things have to wait right?

another day

so I am still trying to figure this out..

todays another day.. not much i did.. i went to church.. i know its a wednesday, i go to support my parents and show em i care in a way they like...

well i like it... its peaceful.. rest of the day was home was 29 today so kinda humid rather be home and hibernate...
funy thing today dads bonding with pixie.. oh pixie is my puppy, soemthing they were SO against me having but hey look who likes her more..
ill post a few photos of my new edition soon..
im gonna go eat and come back and post another..