10 steps to a better relationship

1)Take responsibility for your own actions. There is nothing more guaranteed to prolong conflict than creating half-baked excuses for bad behaviour, or blaming your other half for your actions. Whatever’s happened, remember to be honest and open when tackling the issue.

2)Apologise at the first possible opportunity. Saying sorry has an amazing ability to ease away tension but make sure it’s sincere or else you’ll simply be shooting yourself in the foot.

3)Listen. Instead of trying to justify your behaviour, make the effort to listen in respectful silence. Hear your partner out without butting in with excuses or making counter accusations. Yes, you might be worried about what you’ll hear, but if you don’t add fuel to the fire with ill-chosen words, your partner’s sense of grievance will subside much more quickly.

4)Talk about your feelings, not their behaviour. If you stick with “I” statements, rather you than “you” statements, your partner won’t feel criticised and will be far more likely to empathise with you (it’s known as creating a “safe dialogue”).

5)Take time out. Damaging words and behaviours surface in the heat of the moment. Learn to walk away from an argument and simply breathe for five to ten minutes if you feel you are getting angry. Better still, choose a word or phrase that you and your partner can use as a signal for “time out” and make sure you honour it.

6)Relationships need nurturing. You have to lavish time and care on them and each other if you want it to thrive, so schedule quality time together each week and make it your priority.

7)Make time to tell your partner how special he or she is. Be as specific as you can about what makes them special and why they mean so much to you. Not only will you both become more aware of your partner’s specialness, but in time he/she will probably say the same kind of things back to you.

8)Tell your partner how much you love them and do it on a daily basis. Never assume that he/she doesn’t need to be told or doesn’t like to hear all the things that you love about him/her.

9)Hug your partner daily. Virginia Satir said: “We need four hugs a day for survival. We need eight hugs a day for maintenance. We need 12 hugs a day for growth.” Why not go for growth?(when in long distance, picture it and text it, it is so much better then none at all )

10)Share laughter and joy daily. Make a conscious decision to share your successes and rejoice in theirs. What you focus on increases, so focus on what is great about the relationship and great about your life together and it will keep on getting better.